tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25771500965318502802024-03-20T02:19:46.638+08:00Fictional Litost and AleatorySpace for any dribble drabble writing for me to test my limits. Some stories will be good, most will be bad, but hey! Give me props for trying! That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-74282402729905694932023-12-13T08:23:00.000+08:002023-12-13T08:23:51.561+08:00He sat around, as the wax from the candle kept dripping on the table and the wind violently shook the leaves outside. The paper absorbed every word, every letter, every mark he put on with an old quill dirty and gray with age. His hand shook as he got out the ink, leaving an ugly mark that the paper quickly drank up, ruining all the efforts of the day. He dropped the quill and buried his face in his hands, shaking, as the paper got wet with salty tears.<br />
<br />
He picked up a photograph of the table and looked at a beautiful young woman smiling shyly in front of a bookstore, her raven black hair falling out of her hat and curling around her round cheeks. As he stared, tears ran down his cheeks and his lips shook, crooked and dry from days spent in violent wind. <br />
<br />
"Loretta, my darling, I'm sorry, I won't come home again today." His thoughts drifted to back when he was a student in college, an awkward young man with empty pockets and incredible curiosity for everything in the world.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>****<br />
It was a beautiful day in the beginning of October. He walked around the university campus staring at the yellow leaves lying on the ground in funny patterns, hopping over puddles and whistling a jolly tune. His yelloFirescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-8398871574687825762015-08-03T20:44:00.001+08:002016-01-16T21:22:52.807+08:00Less Than Human<div class="MsoNormal">
The
figure reflected against the mirror that stared straight at felt alien to
her. She watched on as the skin around
its mouth stretched out grotesquely and revealed a set of yellowing teeth.
There it was again, practicing another hopeless smile. She had long ago already
retreated into the depths of her skin, trying to put as much distance between
herself and life. Her body continued to move as always, smiling at the people
around her, working hard at it's job, the automatic routine that she had engraved into a husk by years of repetition. Days passed as she stared at a foreign life through a
pair vacant eyes. Her soul had lost touch with the body, no longer able to feel
anything anymore, her mind merely flickered through the scenes of the day as
if watching a movie. What had happened to her? Why was she no longer satisfied
with her life? Her life was fine: she had family, friends, and financial
stability; there was absolutely nothing for her to be upset about. Yet every
day she could feel herself become emptier as her emotions slowly faded away until all she could feel was exhaustion. And so, she buried herself away into the
depths of her physical self, the only self the people around her could really see.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It
wasn’t as if no one tried to understand her, but it was difficult for her to
consult anyone when she, herself, couldn't understand what was wrong. Cut away from her still
functioning body, her worn down soul tried to hold itself together, desperately
trying to catch the flesh of her spirit as it dropped away, chunk by chunk. She could feel herself breaking down, however the only
sensation it caused was a dull ache somewhere her heart was supposed to be. Her
body mechanically continued an empty life while her soul disintegrated. As time
passed, everyone grew to be mere strangers. No one was looking at her anymore,
they were all too busy getting to know the empty doll that paraded around as
herself. It was sickening. The more people she grew distant from, the more meat
fell off the body of her real soul. She was becoming a broken bag of bones,
surrounded by pulsating meat that refused to stick together, trapped inside a
doll that continued to breathe for her. Still, all she felt was a growing sense
of hollowness sometimes accompanied by an ache that she could not place. There
was no pain or fear, just the sound of a physical heart pounding away without a
care. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Months
passed without much change: her body was still intact and her soul was still
scattering but the ache invaded her entire chunked up soul. It wasn’t a
physical pain as she had long lost touch with her nervous system but it was an ache
refused to leave. It wallowed within her, refusing to let go, driving her into
madness. She desperately wished it to stop, to leave her alone, but it
wouldn’t. An idea occurred to her when the body’s glazed eyes felt upon her
arm. She knew that pieces her soul were trapped underneath the thick hide so
maybe if she was able to physically scar her soul, the pain could override the
unknown ache. And so, for the first time in a long time, she made the alien body
momentarily hers and drove into the flesh the only thing within reaching
distance of herself: a ballpoint pen. The sharp pain that shocked her body was
pleasant in a way. It was the first thing she had ever felt other than the dull
ache since she had retreated far away from life and she felt refreshingly <i>alive</i>. However, it was not enough. Harm
inflicted on the body would heal soon enough, but she needed to wake her soul.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-That Weird Girl<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this idea. I just had to get it out there so here it is. It's incomplete and I doubt I'll ever complete it.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
PS: I don't think self-harm is ever a good solution, please don't do it.</div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-22448081808163668782015-03-13T13:10:00.002+08:002016-01-16T21:23:54.905+08:00The End<br />
“I had planned my entire life out when I was a child: I would graduate college with a science degree, work in a laboratory in a prestigious university, get married at 28, have two children: one boy, one girl, live in a buttercup yellow house with a red roof in a quiet suburban town, and die at the ripe old age of a hundred.”<br />
<br />
“How did that work out for you?” asked Frank as he leaned back on the couch.<br />
<br />
“Let’s just say my wacky plans never worked,” Amelia chuckled.<br />
<br />
He let out a hearty laugh, “You seem pretty upbeat about that.”<br />
<br />
“Well things never go the way I want them to, and I guess I’m finally seeing the humor in that. Being at the end of the line really puts things into perspective.”<br />
<br />
Frank stood up and approached the bed. He grasped Amelia’s thin bony hand with one hand and held it against his chest as he tenderly stroked her face. A comfortable silence rested between the two as they listened the sharp beeping of Amelia’s heart.<br />
<br />
Amelia squeezed his hand, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to a hundred with you.”<br />
<br />
“You’ve already filled my heart enough to last me a hundred years,” he replied, his gentle affection spilling over his words.<br />
<br />
Amelia was on her death bed at the age of fifty.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Amelia sighed, “Cancer really takes the life out of people. Who knew my life would go out like this? Not only is ovarian cancer an absolute pain in the gut but it also decided to unexpectedly cut my life plans in half.”<br />
<br />
Amelia was diagnosed with stage III of epithelial ovarian cancer at forty-five years old and after three desperate surgeries and extensive chemotherapy, the couple finally decided Amelia couldn’t take any more and left to enjoy the rest of her life together. After three years of quietly enjoying each other’s company, it was time for her to check back into the hospital to ensure a peaceful passing.<br />
<br />
She pulled his hand closer to her chest, “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the two children,” she whispered to him, her voice filled with regret.<br />
<br />
“You’ve already given me the greatest twenty years of my life.” He murmured, as he leaned and kissed her on her forehead.<br />
<br />
She softly traced her fingers over his cheeks as he pulled back, “Have you ever regretted staying with me?”<br />
<br />
“Never.”<br />
<br />
Amelia dropped her hands back to her side and looked towards her heart monitor. What was left of her life was being recorded on a small beeping box, however, when she looked back at her husband, she realized that the end of her life was also reflected on his eyes. Although she couldn’t finished her ‘life plan’, the actual reality of her life was enjoyable. Many unexpected events had twisted and turned the course of her life but that had led her straight into Frank’s arms. Her end would not be alone in sadness but together in happiness and that was enough.<br />
<br />
“Hey Frank, Do you think I’ve lived a happy life?”<br />
<br />
<div>
Frank gazed into her hazel eyes as he lovingly brush his hand through her soft brown hair, “I think the beautiful smile on your face says it all.”<br />
<br />
-ThatWeirdGirl<br />
<br />
This was an old story I wrote while applying for my school literary magazine that I didn't feel like publishing for some reason, but here it is now.<br />
<br />
Hope you enjoyed it!</div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-26489796324468310722014-11-09T16:28:00.001+08:002014-11-09T22:25:00.356+08:00A Kiss<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Last night, I kissed a girl.
Hidden behind a thin curtain set in the midst of a rambunctious crowd, our lips
touched softly for a brief second. Our nervous giggles vibrated in the small
gap between our warm bodies while our inexperienced hands lay each others'
innocent cheeks. Her soft breath tickled my lips and once again, our faces
closed in. Our trembling mouths fumbled together as we tried to fit into the
others' grooves. With my hands rested on her thin shoulders and her arms snaked around my waist, we shared a few short moments in heaven. Above
the thumping music, a single voice called out her name and she pulled back, gracing me with a sweet smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She started to move past me but I reach out to
grab her arm, not wanting this to end. I was about to speak when she silenced
me with a slight touch of her finger to my lips. I was left in a daze, entranced
by her sweet smell as she left our secret rendezvous. I slumped to the ground,
as the warmth from our shy kisses lingered around me. Peeking out of the
curtains, I saw her and her cheeks that were flushed with embarrassment. I hid
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<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a>- ThatWeirdGirl<br />
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">Whoo hoo! It's getting hot in here! In celebration(?) of my partner's departure, I have come with a post to claim this blog as my own! Of course, nothing has really changed since she already removed all of her stories a long while back. I guess it's now just Litosts with no more Aleatory. I don't even remember what Aleatory means anymore. The name will stay the same though, as a memento of our start together. After all, I wouldn't have thought to start a blog without her. Besides, Litost and Alea</span>tory sounds better than just Litost and it's not like I have a better name in mind. I better learn how to pronounce "aleatory" soon.</div>
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Anyway! My partner has left. You can now find her at:<a href="http://potatozen.tumblr.com/"> http://potatozen.tumblr.com</a></div>
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<br /></div>
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This blog will be owned solely by me now but maybe I'll get some other contributors to join one day. Constantly reading one writer's work can get boring even if I try to switch it up sometimes. The description will be updated accordingly so say goodbye to our old tagline ("Two aspiring writers testing out some of their work :)") and Firescales. That links been dead since ages ago anyway.</div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-48533345098501291592014-07-23T18:45:00.002+08:002015-02-22T22:13:26.724+08:00Rainy Day Oneshot No.2: In the Clouds<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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chatting through invisible wires, vocalizing their own thoughts. I scoff at
their never-ending crave to interact, their inability to enjoy their lives
without others. I grasp into the cloud unable to feel anything but my own body
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not get tossed over. This continued for ages until finally the clouds
broke apart and I fell. After a second into my descent, my fear evaporates. I
see the inferior people grow bigger than I ever imagined, their eyes wide
staring at the girl who is falling from the sky. The warmth radiating from the
ground and the sun reaches me for the first time and thaws my frozen body. The exhilaration
of leaving my bed for the first time grasps my mind and I scream in joy. “Look
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grasps hold of my heart and pumps it full of the relief of being heard. In the
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<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<b>- That Weird Girl </b></div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-19362016381454280132014-07-19T17:14:00.000+08:002014-08-06T21:09:42.422+08:00Rainy Day Oneshot No.1: The Life of a Single Raindrop<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">I fall from the clouds. I fall endlessly towards the ground. My body is
fragile, I can feel it in my core. I can break from the slightest touch and I’m
falling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">I was dropped from the clouds, just a single drop amongst the millions.
I’m so insignificant, yet I’m not, I’m sure I’m not because I can feel myself and
I know I’m alive. But I also know this is my first and last journey.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">Born in the clouds one second and dropped without hesitation in the
next, that is the meaning of my life. I have no say in anything. I just fall.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">I freefall through the air, together with the millions just like me.
They’re just like me but I know I’m different. I can feel it. I can feel it like I feel
the pressure beneath me and the cold air above me. I can feel it by the
lightness of my own weight and the heaviness of my descent. I am different. I
am special.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">Suddenly the wind catches me and pushed by the wind I dance; beautifully
and gracefully my body moves in its cold embrace. For a while it holds me
close, and I feel its existence with my own. I happily enjoy the soundless
melody of my first romance as well as my last.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">When the wind lets me go I plummet, the whistling air sings to me as if
to comfort me. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I am not sad </i>I sing
back. This is the meaning of my life. I was created to tumble through this
world – through this sky. If death is failure then I cannot die because I was
made to break.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">The sounds of the city grasp me and I know that I’m getting closer to
my destination. The air around me grows warmer as the body heat from the living
beings engulf me. I am close, so very close. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">I hear children, laughing and shouting; they must be playing in the
rain. Listening to them I feel satiated. My presence has given them joy, my
fragile body has become their playground. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ah,
</i>I feel, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this must be the true meaning
of my life.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">SPLAT</span></i></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b><br /></b>
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;">-That Weird Girl</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;"> </span></i></b><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;"> </span></i></b></div>
</div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-10599728394851734592014-03-27T22:48:00.001+08:002014-03-30T22:08:31.001+08:00I Found a Body<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Late at night, in a dark alleyway,
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sticking straight out towards me. Its skull was smashed in and leaking some
dark, gooey liquid. On closer inspection, I realized that it was a little bit
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onto the cold, wet cement. Its jaw hung loose, broken off at the bone and
barely hanging on by a thin stretch of skin. Blood dripped out of the side of
its mouth, staining its already dirty shirt. Its arms hung limply by its side;
elbows twisted back with the wrists bending into the forearm at an
uncomfortable angle. However, the most interesting thing was a gaping hole,
roughly the size of my fist that sat at the left side of the chest, blood
dripping from the top and seeping into the shirt. The cut was so clean that I
could see the brick wall through the hole with amazing clarity. As I reached
towards the torso to touch it, I bumped against its feet and tripped over
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sticky blood drench my face. I stayed still for a while letting
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senses overwhelm me, I realized a sharp pain on my right knee. I sat up
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from the body. A strange sense of pleasure came over me as I felt myself become
one with the death and decay that lay before me. Fittingly, the sky began to
thunder, and rain started to pour down and drowned out all the sounds from the
streets, washing away all the distractions until it felt like the two of us
were completely alone in the world: just me and the body. I looked up to let
the rain wash the blood off my face and sink into the metal sewer grates next to
us. I leaned onto the body as it quickly lost its heat and fell asleep, using
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<b>That Weird Girl</b> </div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-24169024953149325112014-02-22T00:29:00.001+08:002014-08-11T22:50:10.940+08:00By Her Side<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-PH" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-PH;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span>She was cute
as a child and beautiful as a woman, and I’ve loved both sides of her. She had
grown into a beautiful woman at the blink of an eye. As a child I loved her for
her outgoing, playful personality that engulfed me and as a man I loved her
mature and confident smile, headstrong personality, and her endless kindness
just to name a few. It was a growth that I had watched but somehow missed
completely. However, this wasn’t the day to mourn over missed moments for all I
could focus on was how breathtakingly stunning she looked in her silky white
wedding dress with her radiant smile blinding me. As soon as she spotted me,
she shrieked with pleasure and hugged me tight. As I gripped her closer to me I
could feel her warmth melting down my cold body.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
I was five years old, my parents had to move overseas due to their jobs. I was
a shy kid who they knew would have a hard time adjusting to a foreign country, so
they dropped me off at the house of their oldest best friends. They lived in
the suburbs, far from the bustling city I grew up in so it took hours by the
car to get there. My parents spent the entire trip trying to assure me that it
was going to be alright and that I was going to the nicest people that they
knew would take good care of me. I stayed silent, afraid I might start crying,
and looked out the window to calm myself down. However, watching the scenery
change from the familiar urban setting of packed apartments and dirty allies to
unfamiliar clean pristine houses and green lawns made me even more nervous. I
was just a bundle of nerves clutching tightly onto my favorite teddy bear
praying that everything would turn out fine.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The house we
stopped at petite two story house with buttercup yellow walls and bright red
tiled roof, just like the ones in picture books. I could hear someone
shuffling around at the other side of the door and I knew that something was
coming. Sure enough, as soon as my parents knocked on the door, a young girl
ran straight out, bursting with excitement and jumped towards me. The shock of
seeing her headed straight for me at full speed made me instinctively dart out
of the way. I heard a loud thump and right where I used to be, she lay face
flat on the ground.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
heard an “Owwww” seep out from under the body as her parents rushed to the
door.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Are
you alright?” I heard my mom ask, as she crouched next to the girl, “Can you
stand?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>However,
even before she could think about it, the girl got straight back onto her feet,
dusted herself off and introduced herself like nothing happened.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hello!
My name is Brianna Moore but you can just call me Bria! Is he my new little
brother?” she asked, pointing at me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Before
my mother could answer, Bria’s parents jumped in. The girl’s father immediately
stepped forward and held the girl in place before she could lunge at me again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I’m
so sorry about that! Are you okay Caleb?” Bria’s mother stepped forward,
leaning down to reach my eye-level and patting my head. I nodded shyly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“She
was overly excited when we told her that your son was going to join us; she’s
been jumping around for days!” her husband told my parents as the girl
struggled to free herself from his grasp.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Oh,
no worries!” my father laughed, “It’s really good to see you! How have you
been? Listen, I’m so sorry I have to do this to you after not even seeing each
other for so many years. I’m just worried about Caleb being in place completely
unknown to him, you know? Since he’s such a quiet kid and we’ll be busy with
work.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Don’t
fret about it! I know how busy you’ve been since you guys had Caleb,” the
man replied waving off my father’s apology, “I’m just happy that you guys
turned to us for help.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Of
course!” my mother spoke up, “Who else could we turn to? You guys are like
family to us. It's been a really long time though; I mean, look at how
much Brianna has grown since we last saw her!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yes,”
Bria’s mother said as she let out an exasperated sigh, “she grown into quite a
handful.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“But I remember she was always an energetic child,” my mother laughed, “Always
curious and never shy; maybe Caleb can learn a thing or two from her.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Oh
please,” Bria’s mother smiled, “I’m hoping she could learn a bit of
self-control from little Caleb here!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hey!”
Bria yelled, finally able to wiggle herself out of her father grip, “You’re
Caleb Walker, right? You’re five years old, right?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
nodded twice quickly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Great!”
she exclaimed, clapping her hand in joy, “I’m eight so you’re going to be my
cute little brother.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She grabbed a
hold of my free hand and jerked me forward towards her mother.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Look Mommy! His
hands are so tiny and he’s holding an adorable teddy bear!” she shrieked
excitedly as if I were a toy she put up for show and tell then turned back
to me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“See, you already
fit the role,” she said, smiling at me for a brief second before turning back
to her mother, “Mommy, he’s just perfect!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She wrapped her
arms around me tight as squeezed me like I was her teddy bear. As my tiny five
year old body was swallowed up by her big eight year old arms, I felt my
initial anxiety fade away and I remembered her brief, warm smile that
mesmerized me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That was our
first meeting.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The young woman
currently in front of me looked nothing like the clumsy little eight year old I
had met that day but I knew better. I leaned in close until my face was right
next to hers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Are you sure
you’re not going to trip down the aisle? We all know you can’t handle such a
long dress.” I whispered into her ear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She blushed and
pushed me away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Oh, don’t jinx
it for me! You know how much I’ve been looking forward to today!” she snapped,
then started to laugh, “I’m sure nothing can ruin today though; I’m just too
happy right now!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I smiled back at
her and pulled her into my arms. My heart trembled at the reminder that this
time, my arms were able to encase her tiny body.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I’m happy too.”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It’s
okay Caleb” she whispered into my ear as she wrapped her arms around me and
soothingly patted my back, “I’m right here. Your big sis Bria will take care of
you!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It
was another nightmare and I had woken up crying. Two years had passed but I was
still feeling a little homesick at times. I missed my parents and even with
their assuring call every week and the warmth the Moores gave me, I would have
nightmares of them leaving me forever. It happened less frequently back then
compared to the nights I cried myself to sleep during their first month of my
parent’s absence but every once in a while horrible dreams plagued me, usually
after a visit. I knew my crying worried both Bria’s parents and my own so I
would try to cover myself up in blankets to hide my tears, but Bria somehow
always found out. In those nights, she would sneak into my room and hold me tight
until I calmed down and fell back asleep. I knew it tired her out as I could
see her doze off at the breakfast table, but she always covered for me by
telling her parents that she snuck a book into her bed and read it late into
the night. Even while she was being scolded, she smiled cheerfully at me as if
to once again reassure me that she was alright. Her amazing optimism blinded me.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> <span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">We sat holding hands outside of the wedding hall.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” she breathed as she looked up
at the bright sky.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “It always is when I’m with you.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> She let out a soft chuckle and playfully smacked me on
the shoulder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “Oh god, wherever do you get your cheesy one-liners?” she
laughed while grabbing onto my arm, “But is is the perfect day. I’ve
always imagined getting married in an autumn day like this one. The changing
leaves giving way to my new start of life.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “You’ve always been the optimistic dreamer,” I sighed,
amused, then thought again, “But I guess some dreams really do come true if you
wish hard enough.” I said, turning around to look into her eyes, but she had
already ran off into the street full of leaves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> She looked beautiful with her sleek pure white dress
contrasting with the bright reds and oranges of the piles of leaves she started
kicking and throwing around. I watched her laugh childishly while enjoying her
last moments of being the young child of a family before starting her own. She
was always so full of life, even among the dead leaves. She seemed to bring out
something stunningly blooming from everything around her and it captivated me.
She was the one who gave me life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “Come on Caleb! Come join me for one last time,” she
called to me. I smiled to myself as I stood up to join her. However, before I could
reach her, someone else discovered her first.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 0in; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> “Oh my god, Bria!” I heard a woman’s voice shriek from
behind me, “Get out of that pile of dirty leaves, you’ll ruin your dress!”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; word-break: break-all;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">★★★</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> At
first, I really thought of her as my big sister, always filling up the
emptiness I felt from being away from my parents. She did her best to make me
comfortable and gave me a place in her own family. I grew an attachment to her
and followed her everywhere. Every morning, we would walk to school together
and always come back home together every afternoon. Even the kids at school
thought we were really blood related and thought of us as an inseparable
pair. However, things started to change as she entered middle school. I was
stuck as puny third-grader as she started grew taller and prettier. She
getting was busier and busier and making new friends. It felt like I was no longer
her priority. I realized that she had her own life and that she couldn’t be
with me forever. </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> We stood behind the doors leading to the altar as she
hung unto my arm.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “It’s almost time now, isn’t it?” she softly whispered
into the air, almost as if she didn’t want to be heard.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “Yes, it is,” I replied, “Are you ready?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I’m not really sure about right now, but I’m positive
I’ll be happy in the end.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> I chuckled, it was just like her to say that. However, a
familiar face flashed before my eyes and I quickly fell silent.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I’m sorry,” I hanging my head, afraid to look into her
eyes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “Why?” she asked, surprised.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “Because your father should be here with us”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee---</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Just
as she was entering high school and I was finally graduating from elementary
school, our entire world was shaken up. It had happened so suddenly; one day we
were laughing together under one bright red tiled roof and the next,
silence interrupted only by soft sounds of sobbing and short pity calls filled
the house. My parents flew back in the very next day and the mourning
officially began. My parents held me tight and rubbed my back but it didn’t
help. It wasn’t the same as her touch and there was nothing else I craved more
than that. However I knew that I had lost it forever.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It
happened so quickly, I had no idea what had happened until it was all over. I
was so excited about graduating elementary school and finally taking a step
closer to where she was that I forgot to look both ways when crossing the
street.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“CALEB!”
I heard someone yell just before hearing the booming horn and the screeching of
tires.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Next
things I knew I was flying to the side of the street right into safety and
turning back just in time to see the truck slam into a body. It flew farther
than I did and the amount of blood was unbelievable. People screamed and ran to
him while some other ran up to me and tried to shake me back into consciousness
but I was gone. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What had I done?</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
rode in the ambulance with him as we were rushed to the hospital but I could
already hear what the medics were saying. He wasn’t going to make it. I killed
him. It was my fault; if only I hadn’t hurried so much, if only I had slowed
down to check the traffic lights, he would have been holding my hand while
walking into Bria’s middle school graduation. I murdered him. I murdered Bria’s
father.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bria
and her hysterical mother ran into the waiting room I was slumped in. All I
needed was a few bandages and they left me outside, waiting for the surgery
lights to blink off but I could already hear it: the beeping sound that was fading as
he left us. Her mother ran up to me and squeezed my lifeless body as she sobbed
into my shoulder but the one I wanted to see most wouldn’t even look at me. I
was disgusted with myself; if only I hadn’t been there, if only I had never
came into their lives. I didn’t have the right to cry or to beg for
forgiveness. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Two
hours of difficult surgery later, the doctor came out shaking his head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We’re
sorry,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We
tried everything we could,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bria
held her mother up as she slumped to the ground in shock. She no longer had her
smile. I stole it from her. However, she did not cry. Not at the hospital,
not at the funeral, and not in her empty parents' room. It was just that one
night at the end of that week, when she crept into my room like she used to
when I had nightmares, and cried. She cried and screamed so loudly, so
hysterically that her mother came running in horrified at the mess on the
floor. I could only watch her as I shrunk back on my bed, unworthy of touching
her anymore.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They
called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I called it Guilt. Guilt grabbed my
tongue, my heart, my nerves, and my brain. I couldn’t feel or speak. I refused to
touch anyone, shaking uncontrollably whenever someone came close. I was completely
broken in by Guilt and I lost her. I was too involved with my own thoughts and
problems that I was unable to comfort her in her time of need. I left her to
break into pieces and scatter into the sea. As she drifted off I
clung onto the shore of a tiny island, too scared to jump in and save her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
month passed and she had started going to school regularly again, struggling to
restart her life. Meanwhile, I had turned into a passive rock, hardening my
shield against others and refusing to budge from my spot in the past. Life went
by like this with her changing slowly, starting to regain her smile once more
and cheerfully prodding at me again, trying to break my shell while I stayed
stationary wondering what was changing her. It only became clear when she
brought a boy home, happily laughing together while talking to her mother. While
I stayed huddled on my secure island, a boy on another shore had scooped her up
and pieced her back together.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> <span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">“I never blamed you.”</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> Those words hung in the air drifting between us as if it
was an invisible string holding us together.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I know,” I sighed, regretfully, “But I wanted to believe that you did. I couldn’t leave myself to go back to daily
life with you like nothing happened. I needed to break myself in order for me to
feel whole again.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I didn’t want you to!” she cried, slowly losing control
of herself, “I wanted you to come back to me! I wanted us to be a family again!
After losing dad, you and mom were all I had left but you tossed me aside. I begged
you to come back, but you wouldn’t listen.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> I held her face up to mine and brushed away her tears.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I’m sorry.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> I could see her anger bubble up moments before she
slapped me.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
it became blindingly obvious that my own self-pity had driven her away from me,
I became mad with self-hatred. I wanted to restart. I wanted to restart with
her but I was too late. I couldn’t accept what I had become so I had to leave
and rebuild myself. I wanted to become someone she could love again but for
that to happen, I needed to stay away from her so that she could forget about my current self. And so, at my parents’ next visit, I asked them to take me with
them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
arrangements went swiftly and within a month, I was prepared to leave.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Don’t
go,” a beautiful sixteen year old pleaded at the doorstep, “You don’t have to
go, we can start over here and we’ll be a family again.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
thirteen year old me wanted to bitterly laugh at her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
can’t be your younger brother anymore,” I explained holding her gaze for a
moment longer than usual.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Why
not?” she asked, as she crossed her arms and scowled. Her childish behavior reminded
me of our first meeting and I laughed, wishing I could turn back time and
freeze that moment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Don’t
worry, I’ll be back before your wedding.”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt;">★★★</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Sorry
wasn’t what I wanted to hear,” she stated steadily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Fine,”
I replied looking straight into her eyes, “I loved you.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
paused or a moment, holding back her emotions before asking her next question.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“So
why did you have to go and die?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
had joined the Korean War in order to prove myself four years ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
went and found a good man anyway”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Towards
the end of the war just a week before the truce was signed, I was shot through
the heart during battle. Quite a fitting end.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“He
was always there to pick up the pieces you left behind,” she replied tightening
her grip on me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I’m
sorry.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
hate that word.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
moment of silence hung between us. Suddenly the doors opened.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Please
rise for the entrance of the Bride.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
we started our walk down the aisle, I leaned into her ear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Why didn’t you
ask your mother to give you away?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
smiled to up to me, “Because I knew you were coming.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“How?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
promised.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
were almost at the altar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
do know no one else can see me though,” I said, waving my arms over my head
just to prove my point.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
don’t care, this means so much more to me,” her gaze burning into my eyes,
“When dad pushed you away from the truck, he did it because he knew that you
would be the one to protect me in the end.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
guided her up to the altar and was just about to let go and step away when she
hugged me. I could hear the whispers of the people, wondering what the heck was
going on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hey!
Bria! You're confusing people!” I panicked trying to push her away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
don’t care. This is out last goodbye after all,” she said, burying her face
into my neck, “Let’s just enjoy this one last moment.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
was two steps above me so I fit into her arms, just like when we were little. I
tightened my arms around her and breathed in her scent. The sweet smell of her
skin lingered on my own and I looked up to see her smiling face as well as her
future husband standing behind her, perplexed about how she could lean so oddly
on air. He would be the one to protect her now and she will be able to move
forward in her life. I knew she wouldn’t forget me and that satisfied me
enough.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It
had always been her love that had saved me and I could feel my body getting
lighter as I drifted from her side. The space at her side no longer belonged to
me and I let her go. Her tears stained my shoulders as I slowly faded away into
her memories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">PS: I would just like to thank my lovely writing partner for proofreading this for me :D </span></div>
That Weird Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290685419907505969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-68517091246570400062013-12-10T04:00:00.000+08:002023-12-13T08:22:51.009+08:00Pieces<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In other people we see reflections of ourselves. When we get to know somebody, all the little quirks of their character leave a mark on our being, every moment spent with another person carves deep into our soul. We associate our identity with someone else’s, even if it’s for a split second. Everything someone else does, we try it on, and let our persona become one with someone else’s, united in a bizarre dance. That’s why it hurts so much to lose someone we held dear. For every second spent together the lines of oneself blurred further and that other person became us. We never lose friends, lovers, relatives, or even acquaintances. We lose parts of what we call “I”.<br />
We look for someone we can identify with, people who we have something in common with. However, if we connect with someone too much, we push away for a very simple reason: when we lose them, we will lose ourselves. What does one do when their whole identity is just gone? Living its own life? “Betrayal” doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s not heartbreak. It’s death.<br />
We die a little every time somebody breaks our heart. Every time somebody walks away, forgets about us, stabs us in the back, every time somebody has to leave or die. We die a little with every tear shed over losing a dear one.<br />
Then, somebody else comes and takes their place. A new piece is put in instead of a lost one. It might not fit perfectly, but it hurts less than before. We deal, and with time the new piece is sewed onto our soul so tight, that once it breaks off, we bleed and bleed and bleed.<br />
We try to get rid of the pain by sharing our broken pieces with others. We say “Hey, I’ve got half a soul, and you’ve got half a being too, let’s join them and be one complete person together!”<br />
Somehow that never works.<br />
They say one can’t write about love without experiencing it. A kid can sing about death, loss, happiness, anything without experiencing it, but he or she can’t sing about love. The fakeness will show. Have you ever felt like a full person, disabled, but whole nonetheless? If you haven’t, you can’t imagine it. You can only recreate your pain and paint art with the blood coming out from the holes.<br />
<br />
We are like broken mirrors, picking up pieces that don’t always fit.</div>
Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-86030059838317950922013-09-26T03:16:00.002+08:002023-12-13T08:22:41.622+08:00The girl with a speech<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">My
breathing’s hard. I think everybody can hear it. Terrible. Why? Why can’t I
force myself to do it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> I tighten my grip.
A brief outline of my face is seen in the metal doorknob. I’m red. Oh
god. Did I come all this way just to freak out and run away?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“The only
method for getting far is never, ever giving up”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">No. I can’t do this. I should just go home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“What defines
failure? You fail if you stop trying.”<o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><i></i></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Blood is pounding in my head. Like someone is hitting
me with a hammer. A big one, that is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“I know I’ll
get there. You can say it’s impossible. But, eventually, my efforts will be
rewarded. I’ll get them to listen. I’ll get all of you to listen. Every.
Single. One. Of. You.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Is anyone staring at me? I bet they are. Looking at a
strange girl who is staring at a doorknob. No, I can’t look up. That would be
too embarrassing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“We’re making
progress. Our ultimate goal…. We’re almost there: it’s at the tips of our
fingers.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">My knuckles are white. My grip is too tight. It begins
to hurt…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“Nothing is
impossible. I repeat: n-o-t-h-i-n-g i-s i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Can I make my heart stop? It’s like a terrified
rabbit, poor thing: beating so fast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“Don’t let
other people’s disbelief make you stop”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">What will happen if I walk away? Just like that? Gone?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“If you ever
find yourself hesitating, lost: take a deep breath. Think about the reason why
you are doing this in the first place.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Everybody will be disappointed. They’ll never trust me
again. “Liar”, they’ll say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> “<i>Should you
be doing this? For what? What will you get out of it?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I’ll probably get news coverage. “The girl who gave
up” they’ll say, or, rather, “The girl who chickened out”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <i>“Would it be
better to just give up? Maybe you should find something better to do.
Something… more beneficial”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> I take a deep breath. This won’t do. I ought to
take a walk, and there are two hours left anyways. Slowly, I release my grip on
the doorknob and turn around. Take a deep breath, look up, and walk away
briskly without checking if anyone has been looking at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
walkway to the gates is almost empty. As I walk out onto the street, I find my
thoughts are wandering off the present moment. I hear a voice in my head, as
clear as though it was yesterday. I find myself thinking over that event, and a
small smile finds its way onto my face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“Sometimes, life delivers a blow. A blow
so hard, you can’t recover. The necessity of doing something is there, right in
your face, and you can’t ignore it. You can’t just wander about the way you
used to anymore. Something changes, no matter your actions. You will either
drop into the abyss, or fly to heavens.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">If
I ever had to find a word that describes most teenagers best, I would
undoubtedly say, “Bored”. Every time you look at teenagers and notice the
qualities unique to their age, they would most certainly be rooted in plain,
old boredom. For example, take laziness. It is a very well known fact that all
teenagers are extremely lazy. However, where does that come from? Also, why do
teenagers waste their lives on such stupid things? Why is there so much
pointless drama, why are they so cruel, so self-conscious? Why is it in teenage
nature to obsess over silly things and take everything to the extreme? Furthermore,
why are teenagers bored in first place? What motivates them? I will try to
answer all these questions from my own experience, as imperfect as it may be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
come from a middle class Filipino family. We are in no way poor, but also in no
way rich. I have gone to an all-girl public school for my entire life, and
being a third and the youngest daughter in a family of all girls; I’ve never
had much interaction with men or boys. So, the very day I first had a chance to
really talk with one, fell on my fourteenth year of life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
was my older sister’s birthday party. She was already in college, and quite
well known among the other students, so the place was pretty crowded. I was
sitting with the sibling older than me by only a year, and the one I was
closest with. We were holding soda cups in our hands, and giggled as we
discussed the other guests over the loud music. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
next song, surprisingly, was a slower one. My sister, the host of the party,
went over to the microphone, and shouted: “Now, we shall all dance in couples
for the next ten minutes. Everybody who does dance a single time gets a
punishment from me, so beware!” Everybody started getting into pairs as she
giggled and wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">A
boy came up to the sofa we’ve been occupying and invited me over to dance. My
sister and I exchanged glances as I rose up and took his hand. He put his arms
around my waist; and I held mine on his shoulders. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">We
didn’t talk much during that dance, and I haven’t returned his smiles a single
time, but for some reason, he wanted to dance with me again, and again, for the
rest of the night. After a while the tension between us decreased, and we
actually talked normally. In the end of the party, as it always happens, he
took my number. I smiled as he departed, and rushed over to my sisters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
next few days I spent waiting for him to call. He wasn’t hilarious, or very
good looking, or anything like that, but because of the absence of any
experience in the matter, I liked him very much. So, when my cellphone finally
rang, I was as excited as I had never been before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">To
make long story short, he soon asked me out. We dated for a quite a while,
frequently going to parties, and I met many different people through him.
However, the more time I spent with him, the less I liked him. First impression
charms wore off. I got sick of him, and he of me: so it wasn’t of any surprise
when we broke up after three months. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Why
am I telling you this? Well, it’s only because of him that I was actually
introduced to real teenage life. I became moody, emotional, obsessed with
partying, and stopped caring about school.
Half of my friends ditched me after the break up, not saying anything,
but it was easy to guess the reason: I wasn’t cool anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">As
the rules go – if you aren’t cool, you don’t get invited to parties. I had
nothing to spend my days on, so I just lay in bed, chatting on the Internet,
watching movies; my sisters were mostly in the same position, except for the
older one it was better: people get less crazy in college. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">And
so many days went: flying by in a blur of boredom, stress, and temporary relief
at rare parties. Parents were disappointed, of course. They said I had such
talents and was just throwing my life away. I disagreed, and so we shouted at
each other constantly, with me getting punished just as often.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
stop by a café. My legs are tired: I’ve been running for the entire time. It’s just one of the Starbucks places, pretty
small, and for some reason not crowded at all. As I go in, I see somebody
reading a book titled “Why the past was better” and the memories flood me
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
was for a research project. The topic wasn’t chosen for me, there was a draw
from the box. We had to pick a random slip of paper, and on every single one,
there was your research question. For me it was “How were the global problems
different in the past two centuries from modern times?” It didn't grab my
attention at first – just another boring school project. I was as lazy in my
research just as in any other area of my life that didn’t include partying or
hanging out with friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
first books I picked were about global problems today. I didn’t even read the
news, so I had a very bad idea of what was actually happening in the world. It
struck me, I admit. Even through the lens of laziness I was able to see how
horrible the situation was. So many problems, many of which I thought
disappeared years ago. It was crazy,
absolutely insane for such things to exist in our great times. However, I
thought, since the circumstances are so bad now, they must have been even worse
before. I was sure of that, and the thought calmed me, as I moved on to the
materials describing the past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">At
first I failed at finding those books that addressed the topic directly;
actually thinking and looking for connections in others hasn’t crossed my mind:
I was too lazy for that. Soon, however, a book grabbed my attention. It was a
simple volume, with the cover simply white with black letters on it. “Why the
past was better” was its name. Since the library was closing and I had only two
more days until I started writing the paper, I was obliged to take the book
home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
lay in my bed, just skimming through the pages. It was quite a good resource, I
was hoping it had all the information I needed. Direct comparisons to the past
centuries in all areas were quite interesting to read in the engaging manner
the author presented them. I was already taking pleasure in reading before I
even got to the global issues section. And it was there where I got a blow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
was hard to believe. Even hundred years ago the world population was only a
billion and a half. There was so much free space, there was far less poverty
than today, the climate was good, the air and water were clean, there were so
many more animals roaming around. A couple hundred years ago, places where no
human foot has ever stepped on still existed. Even though there was more
disease, and starvation was more common, the rates were so small comparing to
modern times. The numbers of people dying were smaller. There was no such thing
as obesity. People were hardworking and usually more grateful for everything
than we are because their life demanded it.
More people lived isolated or in the countryside. There were no
unemployment problems, no one was as crazy as today, and even though there was
less freedom, people felt freer. No one was crowded in a city with the
population of 10 million and there were no slums with 10 people living in an
area of a table. There were fewer earthquakes, floods, or other natural
disasters. No one really had to think about preserving the planet. No one had
to wonder whether their children will be able to see the blue sky, the green
forests, wonder about looking at the nature’s beauty. No one was screaming
“global warming”, “overpopulation”, “disaster”, “the earth is dying”, “save the
planet”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
contrast was striking. Yes, I knew of all the fault of the past. However, with
all the modern knowledge, and inventions, it was fully in our power to change
the evils of the past and fix the problems of the present. Still, no one did
anything, or so it seemed to me at the moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">As
I put the book aside for the day, I couldn’t sleep. I just lay awake, with my
eyes open, staring at the ceiling. It was as though something clicked, a switch
has been turned inside me, and I transformed. From that moment on, I started
caring.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“Can
I have some hot chocolate and the chocolate doughnut please?” I smile at the
cashier as she asks for my name. “It’s Helen. Thank you.” I accept the change
and wait for my order at the side. Then, I take my small snack and start
looking for a table; I want to enjoy some isolation. Thankfully, there is an
empty one at the far corner of the café, and that’s where I head. I take the
sip of hot chocolate. This is my usual order for more than year. I never made
any modifications to it whatsoever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“Helen,
Helen, wake up!” someone nudged me. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up straight
– we were in the middle of a lecture in English class. I haven’t been able to
sleep for the past night, thinking over my discovery, and now my eyelids were
so heavy, I couldn’t keep them up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">For
the next few weeks I had worked tirelessly on the paper. My research hasn’t
stopped at that very book, I found more and more on the topic, sometimes
surprised at the connections. It wasn’t that much for the class anymore, I
started focusing more on the modern issues than the contrast. With hours of
hard work, I was soon finished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">About
three days went by in total idleness. I was sleeping all the time away from
school, thank god I had no major homework; sometimes even managed to sleep in
class. Shortly, my graded paper was returned. I wasn’t surprised at the perfect
mark I got. What was unexpected, however, was the comment near the grade
“Please come see me afterschool.” Puzzled as I was at what my teacher wanted
from me, I had to put it away from my mind for a while. The day went on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
teacher, as it turned out, had a lot to say to me. As I came in, she invited me
to sit. I obeyed, as she started walking around the room, telling me about the
reason for me being summoned. And that reason was, that she had taken quite an
interest in my work. It showed a lot of attention and careful analysis, she
said. I had quietly listened to the praise directed at me, when she suddenly
stopped and cried: “Will you please continue working on the topic, and maybe
give a speech about it at the next Thursday assembly?” I was startled, and
asked the teacher to repeat what she just said. No, I had not misheard. She
truly wished me to give a speech. I agreed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Right
before school, on the day when I had to present my first speech, I went to
Starbucks. Caused by the lack of sleep the previous night, my brain wasn’t working
as well as it needed to. Instead of ordering one of the coffee options,
however, I decided on hot chocolate and a doughnut: sugar ought to pump up my
blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
assembly went surprisingly well. Despite my lack of experience, I somehow even
managed to make everybody listen to me. Every word was clear. My message was
heard. I departed with the words “May you be as kind to God’s other creations
as He had been to you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“<i>Do you believe in lucky charms? I don’t,
really, however I have this funky ritual. Every time I have to deliver a
speech, I go to Starbucks. If I forget – my speech is a failure. If I remember
– it's a success.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
just hope that my magic chocolate is going to help me tonight. Otherwise it
will be the biggest disaster I have ever seen so far. I cannot fail, not today.
Not after all that I’ve been through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Let’s
not dwell on the details. Some other teachers came up to me, impressed. I was
urged to start some kind of a raising awareness club, and having nothing else
to spend my time on, I agreed. The club was under my guidance for five months,
during which we gave speeches at local theaters and squares, until we’ve
finally managed to arrange a meeting with the mayor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
was a big step, a huge one for a bunch of kids. We spent hours and hours working
on our talk, perfecting it, changing it, and starting it all over again
countless times. It never seemed good enough. Finally, we gave up and settled
on a terrible version because of the lack of time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
was the only one to speak, as usual, on behalf of us all, and as I was standing
there, all alone, in front of all the city officials, there was nothing more I
wanted in the world, than to get away from there. All the talks I gave before,
all the experience I had – it all just vanished away as I was about to deliver
that dreadful speech. Finally, the mayor signaled me to begin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“I
am Helen, the leader of the St. Paul High School World Awareness club, and I
came here today, to represent all those kids, who care about our planet and our
future…” I stopped. The speech was terrible, and it clearly wouldn’t impress
any of the people standing before me even the slightest bit. I took a deep
breath, probably the deepest one I’ve ever took, and just start blurting things
out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“It
is so usual for all of us to hear such words as “global warming”, “crisis”,
“poverty”, “overpopulation”, “slavery”, and etc., that it is hard to imagine
any other way of things. All of us, almost from the time we first go to school,
are faced with those problems, and 100% of us, humans, are affected by them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
hear adults say that it’s impossible for us to do anything, that we still have
time, that someone else will come and do it for us. Even more often they say
that it’s somebody else’s fault, they don’t care, and don’t have anything to do
with it. If everything is good in their life, they shouldn’t care about those
who weren’t as fortunate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">What
they don’t realize though, is the fact that all of us are in this, together. No
one can get away. If you exist, you are a part of the problem. We all live on
the same planet, and we are all faced with the same problems,” as I spoke, my
voice echoed from the walls of the hall. Everybody else was sitting in total
silence. I could see that I grabbed their attention. They had no idea how hard
it was to just blurt out things you have just made up on the most important meeting
of your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“Life
has been given us by God as a gift. He had created for us this planet:
beautiful, and containing all that we will ever need. How do we thank Him,
however? Why instead of praising Him, we curse Him by destroying the gifts He
had so generously offered us,” I was red in the face, my voice got louder,
blood was pounding in my veins, I got quicker, I took a step towards my
listeners as I continued.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The
words were flowing, without even thinking anymore. I was not myself, no; I
dissolved in the idea, as I grew more and more passionate. I didn’t stop even
when I was out of breath, even when my time ran out, and they didn’t stop me
either. I started walking around, moving my hands, almost screaming at some
ideas, with which I was one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
was passionate, I was inspired, for some reason, for the first time, I really
felt alive. The rush of adrenaline made everything so clear, bright, and real,
and I am sure my eyes were glowing with delight as I conveyed to the officials
what I had really thought. The shade of boredom disappeared, and the emptiness
inside was filled in. Finally, I stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">All
was quiet. Then, the mayor started clapping. All the people around him
followed. The ovation grew stronger, as I bowed again and again, thanking them
with tears on my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
look at my watch. It is time to go, only half an hour left. I walk out and
hesitate at the bus stop, but decide to walk again. I still haven’t thought
everything through. So I just enjoy the
afternoon, and stare at people, caught up in my thoughts, my memories. How much
meaning each little fragment has now, when everything is in a picture? Only one
puzzle piece is left, and that one shall be put there at the end of the day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">That
day my life really changed. Not only because of the fact that the mayor had
liked the talk and we now gave speeches first at national level, and when we
raised money even all around the world. No, there was a far more important
reason. I was rejuvenated, and I was transformed, my thoughts, my actions, my
emotions, and my attitude – all were different. I had now a passion, a reason
to drive me forward. My family and friends were impressed, not disappointed, my
teachers praised me, and all the people from the club blessed the fact that I
thought of something better than the terrible final draft of that speech. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
was really a new person, a fresh, new, better version of my old self, who
started enjoying life. Some other reason for living appeared, and my club was
always everywhere: collecting donations, giving speeches, researching, meeting
with important people, rallying, donating money to other organizations,
thinking of small things we could do. From a small school club it became a
national organization – FYF (Filipino Youth for the Future). Sometimes I didn’t
have to give speeches - we often separated and split up while traveling. Also,
other branches appeared, such as in Cebu, or Baguio, or in Mindanao. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">As
our influence grew, so did our confidence; also so did the pressure. The job
got harder and harder: the audience sometimes kicked us out in the middle of an
assembly. We were desperate to be heard; everywhere we went, even as we started
travelling to such distant regions as Africa, or Europe, or the Americas. In
all places, people were the same. Even though the language was different, and
sometimes we had to use a translator, the message never changed. We begged for
a change – for someone to take charge and save the planet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">More
moving, however, was the fact that people started doing something. People
started new organizations, or joined already existing ones, and everybody was
making small changes. We were heard: we started appearing on TV, news about us
and our impact were on all newspapers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“Why am I here? Good question. You must
be wondering why a random teenager is up on the stage talking about global
issues instead of partying in a club somewhere. I have an answer for you. I am
here, because only here, on stage, while giving a speech – I feel alive. I am
here, because this is one of the things I care about the most. I was fortunate
enough to realize how important in is to help out everybody and everything in
this world, and there is no pleasure bigger than that of giving something. This
is the air of change I’m breathing. I am not going to give it up.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
am here again. Entering the gates, walking on the pathway, to the door, that
very door. People start gathering, and I see cars pulling up. Some of those who
pass by greet me, others acknowledge me by nodding, some just ignore. I assume
that not all of them know me, or at least not my face. I am pretty sure that
all of them got informed of my arrival. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Then,
one day, a dream came true. A letter arrived, and as we saw the envelope, we
all thought it was a joke. There was a
blue emblem: the map of the world seen from the North Pole, with two crossed
branches from an olive tree around it, and above it was written “The United
Nations”. As I took the letter in my hands, we all sat down in awe, waiting for
me to read it out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> I was invited to speak on our behalf in the
official UN headquarters in New York. I was to inform them immediately of my
decision by email, and my speech was to be given in a month, on an official
meeting with everyone in there. As I got to the school computer and started
typing my reply, my hands were shaking so badly that it took me about ten
minutes to write a short email.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
wasn’t a joke. In a couple of weeks, I was sent an airplane ticket. I was to
arrive at NY on the evening of the day before my speech. As I held the actual
proof in my hands, all of us started to realize what this really means. God
knows, what meeting can be more important? This was definitely a one-time
opportunity and all of us were scared even at the thought of all doors that can
open before us after it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">It
took us a month to write that speech for me. I don’t remember the details; it’s
just a huge blob in my memory. All we did for the whole month was -writing,
writing, writing, talking, screaming, fighting, freaking out, and more writing.
None of us even wanted to look at that paper anymore when we finished; I still
had to memorize it though. We were satisfied with the final draft, there’s no
doubt about that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">In
the airport, almost everyone I knew came to wish me good luck. Everybody hugged
me; there were kisses, pretty words, tears, laughter, and blessings. I was
sobbing while waiting for the plane. The future was scary: what is I was to
fail? However, as I was falling asleep, I smiled at the thought of succeeding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">I
take a deep breath. Open my eyes. Pull the doorknob. And enter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">“You fail if you stop trying.”<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><i>- </i><b>Firescales</b></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-65077441936613640482013-08-28T20:44:00.000+08:002023-12-13T08:23:15.456+08:00Untitled<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There's a person in my life, a girl that changed everything, a human being that turned my world upside down, and made me fall into a rabbit hole. She is beautiful, absolutely wonderful. When she walks, her tiny feet step so lightly, her body moves so graciously, that she appears floating in the air, about to fly all the way up to the sky and get lost in the clouds. In moments like that, I want to grab her to make sure that she won't leave me and get lost in the stars. When she smiles, her eyes wrinkle in such an adorable way and her laugh sounds like little bells jingling on a Christmas morning. When she talks, her excitement and her joy echo in everything around and as she starts dancing around like a little girl, strangers stop to look at her and pure happiness changes their faces, lighting them up like fireworks. Some might think she acts like a little kid, but that's not true: she can be serious when she wants to. With strangers and adults she is sufficiently polite and mature, but the moment we are left alone her mask comes off, and her eyes start shining with the life she is so full of. She knows so much more than most people though, more than she should know, she scares me with all the things she is well aware of and all of her strange ideas. Often she would start speaking about something that regular people don't even think of, and then ask me questions that I don't know the answer to. She makes me think more than I ever had, see things in completely different ways, and bother me with her words so much that I can't fall asleep thinking about them. Lovely, beautiful, majestic words. Some words heal, some words ruin your life forever. I love her words, her soft voice, her expression, and wrinkles around her nose when she's thinking. I am hopelessly in love with her, and she makes me go wild with joy, like nobody else ever could. Everything is perfect... except for the fact that I'm a girl too.</div>
Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-71440690429127135222013-05-06T20:46:00.001+08:002023-12-13T08:24:14.119+08:00Last Moments<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The eyelids close, for one last time,</div>
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Eternal sleep and peace of mind.</div>
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My rose stopped blooming, </div>
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My lake is dry, the stream is gone</div>
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The last words said, at last it’s right.<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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Please take me home, and take me now,</div>
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I have been gone for a long while.</div>
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Those old trees looming</div>
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Ahead they are, ahead of wrong,</div>
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Instead of a frown, a rare smile.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Expansive fields, the wheat’s like sun</div>
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The wind is wolf’s howl in the night.</div>
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Stars are the candles of the sky</div>
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The pearl-white cloth, the hand stitched flowers</div>
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The souls are shining, the light so bright.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The sound of flutes, the mountain echo</div>
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My spirit stayed so wild and true.</div>
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Among the fields, the sky, the forest.</div>
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Where I belong, back to the freedom’s clear blue.</div>
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The last breath taken, the body froze<o:p></o:p></div>
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Cold frost iced up the lips and eyes.</div>
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The cries rise up in clear chorus,</div>
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I feel alive, the burning fire is finally out of caging dome.</div>
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Back to my homeland, at last! I rise.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>- Firescales</b></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-12067749447255390742013-05-06T20:44:00.002+08:002023-12-13T08:24:24.577+08:00The Psalter<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<b>The Psalter<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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In the silent night,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Under moonlight,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Inside a quiet
chapel,<o:p></o:p></div>
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There was an inside
battle.<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Between my “yes” and
“no”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Between my “stay” and
“go”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Amid my worries and
my fears,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Against the happiness
and cheers.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I made a step to the
altar,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I grabbed the heavy
psalter.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I lit the candles on
the wall,<o:p></o:p></div>
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And quietly let out a
howl.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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A cry of pain,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Amidst the rain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Opened the book,<o:p></o:p></div>
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And took a look.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The words looked red
in candlelight,<o:p></o:p></div>
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My hands shook hard
in strange delight,<o:p></o:p></div>
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The burning passion
for good life,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I almost won the
endless rife.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Inside the psalter
was a song,<o:p></o:p></div>
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The one I felt to I
belong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I sang and sang,
forget the trouble,<o:p></o:p></div>
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That was the end to my
long struggle.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>- Firescales</b></div>
</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-8834649299375800382013-05-06T20:43:00.001+08:002023-12-13T08:24:33.660+08:00Mommy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Don’t worry, Mommy,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I won’t come crying,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I’m not the same girl
as before.<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Yes, I’ve grown up,
all right<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
There have been
changes and you noticed,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I suffered pain, I
cried for days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I got betrayed by my
best friend,<br />
She didn’t look back, she didn’t regret,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
While I was dying at
home, lonely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I got depressed, and
hurt, and sorry,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
The world turned gray
to me that day,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I wiped my tears in
the corner.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Oh mommy, not so good
after all, am I?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I was on drugs, hung
out with bad guys,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I got a gun one time
while drunk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I couldn’t pull the
trigger; I guess I wasn’t high enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
So I just cursed my
ex-friend in her face,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I sight so pitiful, I
guess.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I didn’t study,
didn’t sleep, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Just set on facebook
all day long,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Complaining ‘bout my
right and wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
There’s no mercy for
me, however<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Isn’t everything for
better?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
There won’t be a thing worse, ok?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
If I survived the
pain of past,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
If I am still alive
right now,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I won’t give up for
all the evil.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Won’t be seduced,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I’m strong already.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
My heart turned steel
from all the pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I got through that,
all on my own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I’m not a child,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Changed from the
core.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Don’t worry, Mommy,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I’ll just keep
laughing, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Nothing can hurt me
anymore.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>- Firescales</b></div>
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-26560901321268131542013-05-06T20:36:00.001+08:002023-12-13T08:24:46.546+08:00Beautiful Nightmare<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
I want to go to sleep. Rest in my
bed, and get a good dream. I want to get lost in a fairytale. I want to see
you. You will smile and walk away. And I will be running after you, while your
image will be fading away. You escaped again.<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wake up.
Who turned the lights on? No. I burry my head in the pillow and fall asleep
again, praying to see you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got lucky
again. There you are. Sitting on a bench in a park. You look at me with an
expression I can’t read. How come you never say anything or even change your
expression? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I come
closer, carefully, trying not to scare the dream away. One step, another step
and here I stand, one step away from you. You look at me quietly. I am frozen,
unable to take my eyes away from your face. You are just as beautiful as ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t
even know who you are. One time I just saw you passing by on the street, and
met your gaze only for a second. I was stunned by you, and ever since you have
been visiting me at night. Never saying a word. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love you
if it is possible to love a dream, or almost a dream. And now… it’s the first
time you I am so close to you. I can’t say a word - my lips are paralyzed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh no…you
are fading. I reach out, but it’s too late. You disappeared. I am standing
alone in a dream park, tears running down my cheeks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I
wake up. I lie quietly just staring at the ceiling. Maybe next time, I say to
myself and this thought calms me down. I go back to sleep, but this time
without you.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> <b>- Firescales </b></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><b><br /></b></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-86847677197224471492013-05-04T18:19:00.003+08:002023-12-13T08:25:27.025+08:00You.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm falling all over myself, trying to be someone else. I can't do this anymore. This is too much. Why can't my heart stop hurting? Why can't I stop loving? Why does it always have to turn out this way? Always...<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
It was the first day of school, I was sitting on the bus, listening to music like I always do. You sat on the opposite side and smiled at me while I just stared back in confusion. For some reason, it felt like I knew you from somewhere, yet we've never talked, so I just waited for you to speak up.<br />
"Hey, my name is Stephen, what's yours?"<br />
"Mary. Nice to meet you, are you new?"<br />
"Yeah, we're in the same math class," you grinned and I smiled back, realising that I was mistaken about knowing you from somewhere. You had a beautiful smile, so happy and wide, it felt like you lit up the entire bus. "So, how long have you been here?"<br />
"Since 6th grade, so for quite a while."<br />
"Oh really? I thought you were new as well," you seemed genuinely surprised.<br />
"Why?"<br />
"You just look so quiet and shy, and I haven't seen you talk to anyone, sorry," you laughed and I just stared, finding you very strange. Why did you even speak to me? How did you notice? Didn't it ever occur to you that I just didn't want to talk to anyone? Nobody else ever spoke to me so randomly. It was nice. That's how we met.<br />
We kept talking from time to time on that bus, slowly becoming friends. One time, you asked for my phone number, surprising me once again. I was pretty amused at the attention, I never got that before. You started asking about whether I like anyone, so I told you all about how I liked this guy who didn't feel the same way and how I was all depressed over it. You listened and made me laugh. Talking to you felt so easy, I started looking forward to bus rides because I knew you'd be there. I didn't like you though, not in that way. I just kept telling you about my guy problems, and never noticed that for some reason you didn't seem so happy whenever I talked about how much I liked that other guy.<br />
One day, you asked me about all the people I used to like. I mentioned them all, and you pointed out that all of them were white. I laughed, thinking about it.<br />
"Yeah, I only like white guys, I guess."<br />
"Really? So you'd never like an asian guy?"<br />
"No, I don't find them attractive," you grew gloomy, "No offence, of course, it's just that they are not my type."<br />
"I see"<br />
Later, you started bringing up those girls that you said you liked. I cheered you on, never noticing that you weren't happy. I never saw that something changed. I never considered you as somebody to have a romantic relationship with. I was in love with your friend, and you were asian, and as I said, I didn't fall for asians.<br />
<br />
Months later, we got assigned to sit at the same table at math together with another friend of mine. It was fun, and we talked a lot, I kept giving you advice about this girl you liked, and slowly I started noticing that I was paying a lot of attention to you. Your smile was so contagious, your jokes were so funny, I loved looking at you, you were just so cute and perfect. I tried to sit a little closer to you, started asking you for help, and this one day my other friend was absent and it was just the two of us, I had the time of my life joking around with you. As the class was over and you left, I realised that I hopelessly fell for you. I was in love with the guy who I told I would never like an asian.<br />
Every day since then, I was looking forward to math and bus rides with you so much, they turned into the best part of the day. I actually started initiating conversation, even though before I never cared much. Every time you brought up your crush it just hurt so much, I tried to change the topic. When my friend was absent and it was just the two of us, I was jumping from joy. You noticed, asking me how come I wasn't sleepy during math anymore. I shrugged, thinking "because of you".<br />
During one math class, you asked me whether I still liked this one person, I said "No, I like someone else." You laughed "Wow, you sure change your crushes fast," and started begging me to tell you who. I couldn't, so the entire math class I was trying to hold back the urge to confess to you while you kept bugging me, not even suspecting a thing.<br />
In later math classes, you kept teasing me about the friend of yours I used to like. It hurt so much to hear you tease me, even though you obviously couldn't have guessed that, innocently acting the way you always did. I couldn't take that, and hearing you speak of your crush anymore, so I decided to confess.<br />
You were on the tennis team, and it was the time when the competitions took place. On a Wednesday, I watched you, trying to pick a moment. You were so busy though, I couldn't. Later that day I was so upset about not telling you, I decided to do the cowardly thing and confess on Facebook. I hated myself for it, but I sent you a message explaining everything.<br />
You replied "I thought you didn't like asian guys. Haha, I'm flattered," and my heart dropped. Obviously, what was I hoping for. I knew you liked someone else. Why did I even tell you. For the rest of the week I was hopelessly waiting for a miracle. For you to say hi, or to talk to me, or to change your mind and tell you me you like me back. I kept waiting, for a long long time.<br />
We stayed friends. You pretended that nothing happened. You never really said no, or yes, or anything, but even though that gave me hope, I knew you were too nice to openly reject me, so that was all I'd ever get. You kept teasing me about the guys I used to like and it hurt. It hurt so much.<br />
I tried to get over it, but I couldn't. I drank, and tried to shut it out, I tried to forget. It never worked. I saw you, and I melted. I started seeing you less though. Nothing personal, we changed seats in math class and you didn't take the bus so much.<br />
<br />
This one day, you actually rode the bus, and I sat right in front of you, just staring as you listened to music. I hated the fact that I liked you more and more as time passed, and couldn't take my eyes off you, so perfect all the time. We didn't talk at first, so I thought the entire bus ride would pass like that. And then you started talking. We talked about random thing related to school, and then you asked me about this incident I had with a couple of my friends. You asked me if I still drank. I said no, staying quiet about the fact that he was the reason why. You asked me if I was still leaving at the end of the year. I said no, I was staying till graduation. You lit up, and I grew happy too, seeing your smile again.<br />
We stayed quiet for another couple of minutes, until, eventually, I couldn't stay quiet and asked you how you were doing with your crush. You paused, and suddenly said:<br />
"Mary, you said you like me, right? Well, I was really surprised when you told me. You know, I used to like you, in the beginning of the year. For a while, and then you said you didn't like asian guys. Also, I didn't know that many people... and yeah, eventually I got over you. Right now, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, so I don't know. Yeah..."<br />
"Thank you for telling me." I said and turned away, not knowing what to think. This was very, very unexpected. Soon the bus came to my stop, so I left. You said goodbye, despite the pause, and I lit up. At home I told every single one of my friends about it, and all of them said one thing: you still like me, but you are scared to say it. I believed it, I wanted to believe it. I remembered your smiles, and the entire weekend I was anticipating next week. It was my birthday in a couple of days, and I knew you'd do something special. I was so happy. On Monday, you were staring at me, and talking about me to your friends, and I was blushing so hard, wanting to just run up to you and hug you. I knew everything would be okay.<br />
On my birthday, we had a two-day school trip, and you were on my bus. Somehow, my friend and I sat right across from you, and I was waiting, waiting, knowing that something would happen. I was laughing so much, anticipating a new phase in my life. I knew my friends were right. You liked me before, you said that yourself, so that means you still like me. You thought about it, and you decided that you want to be with me, and you will tell me today....<br />
My friends told me that they asked you to do something special, so when nothing happened during the schoolwork part of the trip, I thought that you were waiting for free time, to approach me alone. I couldn't wait, especially as you said hi and kept glancing at me. I knew that this would be the most amazing birthday ever.<br />
Free time came, and yet nothing happened. I've seen you multiple times, but I wasn't giving up. That just means you'll do something after dinner. You'll take me to the side, and wish me happy birthday, and tell me that you like me, and ask me to be your girlfriend. Everything would be the way it should be. You must have a gift for me, since my friend asked you. I knew that would happen. I couldn't wait, and even as time passed, my hopes stayed up.<br />
But dinner was over, and nothing happened. My friends arranged a surprise party for me, yet I couldn't feel happy. I glued a fake smile to my face and kept saying thanks and hugging people, yet inside me everything was dead. Eventually, I almost broke down crying. My friends knew why, and went up to him, asking him to say happy birthday to me. I didn't want to go, but another friend dragged me there. I saw him stand up and talk to my friends, and then he walked my way, and I knew that my birthday present was coming. I walked towards him, feeling that something was wrong. Suddenly, he turned around and just sat back on his seat. Everything died.<br />
The rest of the trip was tears and me wishing that I never had a birthday, cursing the fact that I didn't like him in the beginning of the year. Everything was done. The worst birthday of my life. The week I had such high expectations for...<br />
The next day I apologised for my friends, hoping that you'd apologise too and everything would be the way it was, yet you didn't even stop and just said "okay", walking away. When I came back home, I apologised again. You brushed me off with "okay" again. For the rest of the week we didn't talk.<br />
We haven't talked since. Not a single normal conversation. I tried to chat with you on Facebook, yet you kept going offline, or ignoring my messages, and just avoiding me as much as you could. I didn't give up hope. I kept repeating that you need time, and that my friends were too pushy, and that this was all my fault, and it will still work out. When everybody else said you were a jerk, I kept defending you. You were the nicest guy I've ever met, you were my friend. You couldn't have done something like this without a reason. There must be an explanation.<br />
<br />
It's been two months. I decided to apologise to you for making things awkward and for liking you, and you saw the message and never even took time to reply, on Facebook, or in real life. For the last two weeks I've been trying to get over you, and a horrible realisation took place: it won't work out. You turned into a jerk, at least to me. You promised that you won't do the same to me as one of the guys I told you about, yet what you did was so much worse. I know it's because I meant nothing to you, and I never will. Your words "when I didn't know that many people" just meant that I am not popular enough for you. You are ashamed of ever liking me, you are ashamed of talking to me and being my friend. You don't want to see me or talk to me ever again. I can't hate you. I still like you, and I hate the fact that I'm still so in love with you. I've been trying to ignore you yet I can't help but glance, hoping to maybe see you glancing back. But no, you never pay any attention. I'm nothing. I'm not good enough for you. Even if you did like me for a brief moment since my confession, you'd never be able to date me in the open. You're a cowardly jerk, yet I still melt whenever I think of your smile. I've always managed to get over people easily, yet you just don't get off my mind. Why? Why do I always get rejected? All I wanted was love, or at least to stay friends. Silly me, I'm never good enough. No guy would ever like me. I'm a horrible mess.<br />
<br />
I wish I could die. I keep choking on my tears everyday when I think about you, and I keep pretending that I'm fine, when I'm really not. I died inside the day I turned 15 and saw you walk away. I don't know how long it will take until I can feel again. But sometimes, I hope that I never will. Love never brings any good to me anyways. I just hope that nobody else will feel this pain as much as I did. I hope to never fall in love again. Ever.<br />
<br />
<b>P.S. </b><i>This was really hard to write, every word was a struggle. This isn't really fiction. This is my situation at the moment, and I'm sorry if this is a very bad story, I have no idea how I even managed to write it out. I'll stop now because I'm crying too much and can't think straight. Thank you for reading. All names were changed.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>- Firescales</b></div>
Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2577150096531850280.post-23436273990210968742013-05-04T17:17:00.002+08:002023-12-13T08:25:40.118+08:00The Flame
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<span lang="RU"> </span>Come back. You’re so far
away… usually, I don’t see you as well, and we don’t even talk. But usually,
I’m not lonely, like now. Usually, I feel that you are close. We are almost
always in the same building. But now… you are on the other side of the world.
Come back… I’m lonely. If you come back, I swear, I won’t be scared anymore. I
will tell you everything. I won’t hide anything. I will tell you these three
words… I will hug you. Feel the warmth of your body, hold you tight and stay
still, breathing in your smell. I don’t care what you will think. I believe,
believe that one day my love will warm you up as well. I will share the fire in my heart. You will
feel the same way I do, soon. I will share - it’s nothing. And then… we will be
together. Come back. Listen, I love you.<br />
Just hurry up, ok? I’m lonely.
It’s so dark… and freezing. Yes, fire in heart is warm, but it won’t stay for
long. Every time you ignore me, every time you just pass by without even
noticing me, every time people say I have no chances, every time they say you
are not the one for me – the flame gets weaker. Just a little bit, it’s very
hard to notice, but slowly – it gets smaller. What if… it goes out before you
come back? You know, every time you smile, every time you look at me, even
accidentally, every time you are happy, every time you laugh, every time you
succeed, every time I see you – the fire gets stronger.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So… please
do hurry. Don’t put out this delicate
flame. I want to warm you up. I want to warm everyone up. I’ll make your heart
warm, and together, look, we’ll make the whole world warm. And then, then no
one will cry anymore! No one will suffer! No one will kill. If we warm
everyone’s hearts, people will love! Just like you and I. And both of us will be together. In the
perfect world with no hate. Nothing to fear. The flames will show us the way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Come back…
I’m scared. I’m dying…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
- <b>Firescales</b></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Firescaleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00617070813775130578noreply@blogger.com0